Friday, April 18, 2014

Flicking Through Netflix: A Haunted House

Parody movies are like an art form.  Done right, you get a cinematic equivalent of a van Gogh, something that is both funny and shines a light on some of the more ridiculous common threads in movies.  Done wrong, you get the equivalent of a 5-year-old's drawing that's been stomped on with muddy shoes, put through a washer, and flushed down the toilet.  I'll give you two guesses as to which of these categories I think A Haunted House falls into.  

Here's the plot, for what little of it there really is in this movie.  Malcolm is dating a girl named Kisha and she moves in with him.  "Freaky" stuff start happening.  There are a few scenes parodying horror movies, a lot of scenes that are vulgar for the sake of vulgarity, and Cedric the Entertainer putting another nail in the coffin of his career.  Blah blah blah, Kisha made a deal with a demon for shoes or something, who really cares?

 What can I say about this movie?  No, really.  I'm trying to reach for something other than "It wasn't funny," which it absolutely, without a doubt was NOT.  Parody movies have been going down hill for a while.  The last one I remember enjoying at least a bit was Scary Movie 2, ironically another Wayans movie.  It's not about subtlety anymore.  It's not about pointing out the stupid common tropes in movie genres and making some kind of witty commentary about them.  No, sir.  Now it's all about "Fart jokes!  Let's get high!  Look, sex!  Sex is funny, right?  More toilet humor!  Here's a movie reference!  The reference isn't really a joke, but you get it, right?"  Ugh, I'm just so sick of it all.

Let's get one thing straight here.  IN YOUR FACE humor is not always funny.  Sure, if you use it sparingly, it can be funny for a change of pace.  However, constant IN YOUR FACE humor all the time for every single joke gets tiresome.  You know what, the same thing goes for horror.  If every scare is a jump scare, eventually the audience will see the jump coming and be ready for it.  Not everything needs to be about blood, guts, sex, and violence.  Sometimes, the real horror comes from what you don't see.  Sometimes, maybe the obvious joke isn't the one you should make.  

A Haunted House is a putrid mess.  It just boggles my mind that it's getting a sequel.  Don't watch it, please.  I feel filthy for even giving it a view on Netflix.  Even if you're morbidly curious, don't watch it.  Go watch something good instead, like maybe a delightful movie about paint drying.  You'd probably laugh more at the paint drying than anything in this terrible flick. 

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