Preview: Robocop (2014)

Remakes, as a rule, are usually terrible. You'd think that if they at least kept the elements that made the original entertaining, the update would be fun, if a little superfluous. But most remakes/reboots/re-imaginings have no love for the source material, and so end up being unwatchable exercises in boredom (see A Nightmare On Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Halloween, etcetera).

Now we're about to be handed a shiny new take on Robocop. The first film in the franchise is perhaps the most exciting, ridiculous, and all-around 1980s-est science fiction flick ever made, so a remake had better work pretty freaking hard to not piss off the fans. And the trailer looks... um, it looks surprisingly good.

Seriously, take a moment to consider everything that trailer just promised: Alex J. Murphy, visual nods to the original, an interesting free will vs. (literal) machinations discussion, and a cast that includes Samuel L. Jackson, Gary Oldman, and Michael "I'm 1980s Batman" Keaton! Yes, the black suit is a little silly, but I can understand them wanting to establish their own look for a new movie. It shows that they have their own stylistic choices to make. And it'll allow them to sell more than one action figure. Still, I am cautiously optimistic about this remake, and that is NOT something I usually say when it comes to beloved horror and sci-fi franchises.

Robocop has been back in the spotlight lately, with his Detroit commemorative statue nearing completion and the announcement of this film. Hopefully the cast and crew will deliver a solid flick that can stand on its own two metallic feet and bring us a great new franchise, and if not, well, I'm never far from my DVD copy of the original.

Five bucks says that ED-209 still can't handle the stairs.

"I'll Be Back... Maybe"

Now that he's no longer the governor of California, rumors are running rampant (as all good rumors do) that old pro Arnold Shwarzenegger could be returning to the role that made him famous: the unstoppable T-800 assassin in the storied Terminator franchise. And I do mean old. The former action star is pushing 65. Still, Hollywood seems hellbent on the idea of turning him into a killing machine one more time. So, the ancient question arises - good idea or bad idea?

This is a good idea in theory. If I had any hope that the studio behind the 5th Terminator film could give us a decent story with a reasonable explanation for why an android who shouldn't age looks decades older, then I'd be cautiously optimistic. But there's a problem. We have yet to see a reboot of a grand old sci-fi property from the 70s or 80s that didn't get screwed up royally by screenwriters and directors just looking for a quick buck. In the last 15 years, we've had to endure the Alien vs. Predator flicks, the Transformers franchise, the Star Wars prequels, and of course Terminator: Salvation. 

With the right director and the right script, this could work. I repeat, could. I'd love to see what J.J. Abrams would do with the franchise, or Joss Whedon perhaps. The only name they're throwing around right now is Justin Lin, who most recently directed Fast Five. Yes, the future of SkyNet could be determined by the man who directed the fourth sequel in the Fast and Furious line of movies. Oi. (Although to be fair, Fast Five has far better reviews than anyone predicted. Still...)

I believe that if handled well, Ahh-nold would deliver. I've always liked the man's performances, even when they're not very good. He was perfect for the stern, deadly serious T-800, and if they thought of a good explanation for why the robot is now a senior citizen, he'd do the script justice. But they won't, and he shouldn't. This is a bad idea, simply because when it comes to successful reboots of beloved sci-fi franchises, Hollywood misses the mark 99% of the time. Don't do it Arnold, don't do it.

They'll Fix You. They Fix Everything

It's no secret that I'm more of a horror guy than a sci-fi fan, but that doesn't mean I never get my future kicks. There's dozens of great movies in my collection that fit the bill, from Alien to Back To the Future and everything in between. And one of the greatest sci-fi franchises the 1980s ever gave us has to be RoboCop.

"This is my BOOMSTI- whoa, sorry there, wrong franchise."

Now Showing

I have two things to share with all of you. One isn't important, and the other has the potential to be very important. These bits of information flow into each other, so I'll share the not-so-important one first. I don't have anything of substance for you this evening. I know that even the best bloggers don't post everyday; after all, it's not like this is a job or anything (although I'm still hopeful.) It's just that things were on a roll between myself and Daffy's writing, so not giving you the same excellence you've received over the past two weeks feels like a bit of a cheat.

The potentially life-changing news is this: I didn't write an article tonight because I've been working on something very special for The Haunted Drive-in: its very own Youtube Channel! Before you all break out in a chorus of "So what?" let me say that I know it's not hard to create one. But, what is hard is finding the right content to fit this blog and entertain our readers. I've been searching the net for hours, trying to bring you videos that best encompass the feel of what we're trying to do here, which is celebrating the scary, the silly, and the sublimely cheesy. This Youtube Channel is an exciting new way to do that.

We don't have any original content just yet, although I've got some ideas brewing in the cobwebbed cauldron that is my mind, and I'm sure Daffy does too. However, what you will find are several different playlists devoted to things that have received due mention on this website, including vintage commercials for nostalgic horror-related toys, trailers for classic horror and grindhouse films (as well as the amusing fake trailers from the motion picture event Grindhouse), and loads of intermission countdown clocks, PSAs, snack bar ads, interstitial cartoons, and title card stipes.

In the near future, we plan to add some of our favorite theatrical cartoons from the Warner Bros. and Disney studios, trailers for horror and science fiction films grouped by category (slasher, ghost story, etc.), and creative videos from other YouTubers that show us the best and worst horror has to offer, as well as our own original content. It's going to be a big undertaking finding all the random clips we're currently searching for, but we're extremely excited about the end result. If you know of some great vids on YouTube or elsewhere online that we don't already have in our playlists, let us know! Intermission reels, cartoons, movie trailers, segments from TV horror host shows, anything! Whatever would fit the spirit of The Haunted Drive-in is welcome. Just remember: the scary, the silly, and the sublimely cheesy. Enjoy, and prepare to lose a few hours watching all this stuff.

Here's a taste of what you'll find at our channel:

(Please note: some of the content is meant for mature viewers, and caution should be used when deciding to view some of the grindhouse trailers. We present them as they are in the spirit of "the preservation of exploitation.")