Quoth the Raven...

Inspired by my co-writer's ideas, I've decided to share some poetry with you all for a change of pace. I know that one doesn't usually think of that sort of thing when one thinks of horror, but there are plenty of great wordsmiths who had a gift for the macabre. Edgar Allan Poe is the obvious name, but there's also people like Jack Prelutsky, e.e. cummings, Sylvia Plath, and more.

I don't pretend to be half as good as those listed above, but I know I enjoy writing poetry with some dark humor and gruesome subjects. I thought I'd post the one I'm most proud of, not only because I came up with a good tale to tell, but also because the rhymes and structure of the poem really work, at least to me. It's entitled "Old Man Johnson's Missus" and was written in 2006. This work is copyrighted, so please don't copy it or post it elsewhere without my permission. I hope you like it!

"Old Man Johnson's Missus"


It was broken down and boarded up
The windows seemed to glare
We crawled like snakes to the dark front door
I could tell my friend was scared


"I'm telling you, it's haunted
By Old man Johnson's missus.
If you enter she'll murder you
And you'll forever do her dishes"


"You're a liar" he said nervously
"There's no ghosts in there.
You just wanna tell the guys
I wimped out of another dare"


"Go on in then, you're so smart.
If you need me give a shout"
He crossed the threshold, shut the door
And never came back out


I don't know what happened to my friend
That's the last time he was seen
Still, whenever I peek in that house's windows
The plates are always clean

Review: The Melancholy Death Of Oyster Boy

Tim Burton has long been my favorite director. I've seen all of his films, I've attended his exhibit at the Museum of Modern Art, and I've read all his books. Yes, he's an author too. Most of us know about the poem that gave birth to the animated classic The Nightmare Before Christmas, but Tim's got several more morbid rhymes up his sleeve. With a title like The Melancholy Death Of Oyster Boy And Other Stories, it's a fair bet that this poetry collection shares the vibe of his cinematic work: a little scary, very funny, and just plain weird.

The book contains a couple dozen poems with oddball protagonists. Almost all of them are children with supernatural handicaps or deformities who fall victim to cruelty and/or accidental death, a common theme with Burton. Some poems, such as the titular tale, go on for a few pages, while others may be a single sentence long. Burton favors simple rhyme schemes and basic structure; the comparisons to Dr. Seuss are justifiable. Of course, this is Dr. Seuss writing as Edgar Allan Poe. Most of the characters end up dead by the end of the poem through happenstance or violence, and those that make it out alive are either injured or afflicted with a curious condition. Each one is accompanied by illustrations that spell out the story, and Burton works in a scratchy, almost child-like style that is very appropriate for the book. True to form, he also manages to work in his two favorite holidays (Halloween and Christmas) in a few places.

Even though Oyster Boy's name is on the cover, the real draw here is Stainboy. He is one of a few characters to have two poems dedicated to him, and the author clearly has a soft spot for the sad superhero. Fans of Stainboy's flash-animated web series will notice other familiar faces throughout the book who appeared alongside (or against) him, such as Staring Girl and Roy, the Toxic Boy. 

The Melancholy Death Of Oyster Boy is short enough to be read in one sitting, and even though it's not great literature, it'll amuse any fan of dark humor and Tim Burton films. Hopefully, Burton will do another collection soon. It might be good for him to take a break from directing anyway. I mean, Alice In Wonderland? Sheesh.