Review: The House At The End Of The Street

PG-13 horror doesn't have to be bad. Just because it's going to feature measurably less gore, profanity, and nudity than the average fright flick doesn't always equal out to a crappy quality experience. Indeed, sometimes it can mean a film that focuses on the more important aspects of the story, The Woman In Black being one example. Of course, that's an exception, and there are only exceptions because there's a rule, right? The House At The End Of The Street is a movie that follows the rules of PG-13 horror religiously. That's the problem. 

The Scare Factor: Don't Blink

The lights are off, it’s the middle of the night, and a chill runs up your spine.  This can only mean one thing.  It’s time for another brilliant post from your resident Daffy!  Greetings and welcome to the Scare Factor, where I spout wild theories about why certain things are scary.  I want to emphasize the “wild theories” part here.  This series will consist of my personal analysis on why certain beings, situations, or places are frightening.  I’m not doing any real research.  At all.  I’m basically taking a shot in the dark.  That being said, I welcome any alternate theories with open arms!  Simply comment below with your thoughts.  Now, onward to horror!

Flicking Through Netflix: ATM

I know, it's been just about two years since the people of the Drive-In have heard from me.  I've neglected my fellow fright fans for far too long.  Let me introduce you to a new review series to make up for it.  It's a little something I started on my personal blog, Richard's Weekly Journal, called Flicking Through Netflix!  As the title suggests, I review movies and the pilot episodes of TV shows that are available through the instant steaming service.  Naturally, as this is the Haunted Drive-In, everything posted on here is going to be horror or sci-fi related.  And have I got a real doozy of a first outing for you all.

In my opinion, there are 3 categories that horror movies normally fall under.  There are the Good, movies that are legitimately creepy, that scare and terrify with perfect precision.  These films are well put together, tell a good story, and engross the viewer with their world.  These would be your Halloween and Aliens flicks. There are the Bad, flicks that are cheesy and shlocky beyond belief.  They are still good, however, in that people can find enjoyment in the bad special effects and hokey acting.  This is where Troll 2 would land.  Then there's the Ugly, films so bad that people feel dumber for having wasted time on them.  These movies seem to actively insult the audience.  ATM falls firmly and neatly into the Ugly.

Parkas are scary, right?

Dead Man's Boogie

Horror music is a tricky beast. Ironically, much like Christian music it is judged whether or not it belongs under the genre umbrella by its lyrical content and presentation, rather than the style of music it actually employs. A band could be shredding on electric guitars or using an accordion and ukulele, but they're both potentially horror music.

Man, I am SO sick of the bubblegum pop scene.

When You Wish Upon A Star... YOU DIE!

I've been a fan of Disney since I was but a wee lad. Their classic animated features, the incredible TV programming of the 80s and 90s, and the world-famous theme parks are some of my favorite things. I've visited the resort in Florida over 30 times. That doesn't mean I think they always get everything right though. Like any other giant corporation, the House of Mouse can occasionally get on my nerves with their decisions, and it's nice to see the company as a whole taken down a peg. 

Never forgive. Never forget.

Preview: Robocop (2014)

Remakes, as a rule, are usually terrible. You'd think that if they at least kept the elements that made the original entertaining, the update would be fun, if a little superfluous. But most remakes/reboots/re-imaginings have no love for the source material, and so end up being unwatchable exercises in boredom (see A Nightmare On Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Halloween, etcetera).

Now we're about to be handed a shiny new take on Robocop. The first film in the franchise is perhaps the most exciting, ridiculous, and all-around 1980s-est science fiction flick ever made, so a remake had better work pretty freaking hard to not piss off the fans. And the trailer looks... um, it looks surprisingly good.

Seriously, take a moment to consider everything that trailer just promised: Alex J. Murphy, visual nods to the original, an interesting free will vs. (literal) machinations discussion, and a cast that includes Samuel L. Jackson, Gary Oldman, and Michael "I'm 1980s Batman" Keaton! Yes, the black suit is a little silly, but I can understand them wanting to establish their own look for a new movie. It shows that they have their own stylistic choices to make. And it'll allow them to sell more than one action figure. Still, I am cautiously optimistic about this remake, and that is NOT something I usually say when it comes to beloved horror and sci-fi franchises.

Robocop has been back in the spotlight lately, with his Detroit commemorative statue nearing completion and the announcement of this film. Hopefully the cast and crew will deliver a solid flick that can stand on its own two metallic feet and bring us a great new franchise, and if not, well, I'm never far from my DVD copy of the original.

Five bucks says that ED-209 still can't handle the stairs.